A Battle Within

I'm having a 'wee' battle with myself.   I'm not quite sure where this is going, but there is an internal dilemma going on within my aging body.   On the one hand, I want to continue my professional work, and am doing this, although part time.   Its interesting, its stimulating, and it pays well.    I enjoy the contact with people and while the work is not particularly taxing intellectually, it is on an emotional level, especially as I deal with people who have lost so much from the earthquake, and are feeling so miserable. 

Then, on the other hand, there is the work to do here on the farm.  This involves the running of the house, the garden, the animals and the area considered the "farmer's wife's domain."   There is a lot to do here at the "homestead."  I have unlimited choices of doing gardening, finishing my landscaping jobs, start a new mosaic project, cooking with the fabulous provisions I have, and then there is the house.  No, not just housework (though god only knows that is continual), but there is the opportunity to make improvements (although some rooms have to be on hold until EQC come to visit and tell us how much insurance we will get to fix all those cracks).   Then there are some adventures to have with my cheese making kit purchased some time back but still virgin.   And the pasta machine?    Another adventure still to have.

Trouble is, it becomes a tad boring.  One issue of course is that it is unpaid and largely unrecognised work.  Maybe this is the main problem although the personal satisfaction can be immense.  I think the issue is  more about the lack of people contact.

So, if I go back to doing more in the professional area, this means staying away during the week in Christchurch as its just too far to commute.  I would miss everything about the farm and the life here, and always want to be back here.  Trouble is, when I am here, I seem to want something else.

So, the voluntary work and the newly enrolled studies could help to keep me stimulated here at home.   Voluntary work also takes me to other places including Wellington next weekend.    I've got a bit of work to do before the board meeting, and made a good go of it a couple of days ago, making excellent progress, even if I say so myself.

I think what I really miss is the good old girlfriend contact.   The meeting in a lovely winebar having a good bitch and laugh about work and life and the various other halves.    Sounds shallow, and pathetic really, but I think a bit of girl time is needed.  

In the meantime, its take a deep breath, dress up warmly to get out to do those outside jobs in a severe frost, get dinner sorted in the slowcooker, and then head to Christchurch for an afternoon of work.  

Maybe I should just join the "count your blessings" facebook group or something.  After all, what have I really got to moan about?